What happens when you have a baby you didn’t want? One mother reveals her struggle
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Olivyah Bowens believes social media can be a vehicle to heal pain, not mask it.

So, she followed her truth.

On July 28, she shared her personal struggle with the dark side of motherhood: learning to love a child you weren’t planning on.

“No one shows you how to traverse the emotional complexity of loving a child you weren’t happy about being pregnant with,” wrote Bowens, a 23-year-old, Puerto Rico-based doula, about her 2-year-old daughter Ozana in an Instagram post. “It’s even more difficult at those times when they’re having tantrums and pushing you to a point of emotional exhaustion.

“It’s confusing.”

Bowens posted a photo of herself beside her screaming toddler. Ozara’s tantrum was a result of not being able to push the shutter button on the camera during a family photo shoot, according to an interview with Yahoo! Lifestyle.

Bowens’ brutal honesty sparked a conversation we should feel obligated to have. Not every woman enjoys all of motherhood’s complex moments, but her post inspired refreshingly inclusive rhetoric surrounding a topic historically considered taboo. Bowens’ post attracted nearly 12,000 likes.

No one teaches you how to love a child you didn’t plan to have. No one shows you how to traverse the emotional complexity of loving a child you weren’t happy about being pregnant with. It’s even more difficult at those times when they’re having tantrums and pushing you to a point of emotional exhaustion. … It’s confusing. When the same people who told you that you pretty much ruined your life are smiling ear to ear at your baby shower a few months later. It’s hard.. Looking at a beautiful baby and being bogged down by the thoughts of how you will take care of them and how much life will change. It’s so easy.. To project the pain of your wounded inner child onto your baby. It is the lethal cycle of undealth with trauma. … This stage of motherhood has forced me to look at my reflection in my daughter’s eyes and realize that no I don’t enjoy being a mother all the time, but this child has been the catalyst for major growth. She is the mirror that allows me to look into my past and see the fears still controlling me now. … When we heal our deepest pains we are speaking to our ancestors across the space time illusion and holding a cross-generational conversation within our dna that heals old wounds and rectifies long lost problems. Motherhood hasn’t just healed me it’s healed the mother’s that came before me. … The reality is I don’t want to be a mother everyday. I don’t want to feel held back from chasing my dreams and goals. I don’t want to be exhausted. But I KNOW this little girl has brought me face to face with things that would have otherwise been ignored in my bubble of childless freedom. … Dear mama, who is going through an unplanned pregnancy, don’t feel guilty, don’t feel afraid, don’t feel ashamed. That baby chose YOU to be it’s mothers at the perfect time. Surrender to the journey of unpredictability and let this new being show you a whole new part of yourself you didn’t know was there. ?#takebackpostpartum #thefourthtrimester #motherhoodunplugged #birthofamama #blackmomsblog #milenialmom

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After some negative feedback, Bowens, also mother to 9-month-old Oniyah, posted two video responses on Instagram. Her account boasts more than 23,000 followers.

“Me sharing a sliver of my personal experience as a mother was only to bring light to a situation that is shamefully kept in the dark, and based on the comments, I can see why,” Bowens said. “You can ask any mother: no one enjoys being sleep-deprived, no one enjoys being yelled at by a toddler, no one enjoys feeling isolated.”

While the majority of some 1,800 comments appeared to be positive and supportive since other mothers found her candid emotions relatable, some users questioned why Bowens didn’t consider adoption or why she had a second child.

“This stage of motherhood has forced me to look at my reflection in my daughter’s eyes and realize that no I don’t enjoy being a mother all the time, but this child has been the catalyst for major growth,” Bowens wrote on Instagram. “The reality is I don’t want to be a mother everyday. I don’t want to feel held back from chasing my dreams and goals. I don’t want to be exhausted. But I KNOW that this little girl has brought me face to face with things that would have otherwise been ignored in my bubble of childless freedom.”

For the next seven days, Bowens is heading a social media campaign that charges others to share their #MotherhoodUnfiltered stories. Her hope is to show people what motherhood can really look like.

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“People be saying ‘keep it real,’ but really, y’all just wanna see maternity shoots and pretty pictures of babies,” Bowens said in one of the videos. “I absolutely love my children.”