10 Things You Shouldn’t Do as You Get Older
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Ah, aging. That wonderful time in life when you start finding gray hairs in places you didn’t even know you had hair. So, you want to look like a wrinkled raisin as you get older? Fantastic. Here’s your ultimate guide to embracing the “I’ve given up” look. Remember, this is all in good fun – or is it?

1. Shun the Sunscreen

First off, throw away that sunscreen. Who needs protection from the sun’s harmful UV rays? Embrace those wrinkles and sunspots!  Let’s make leather skin the new trend. Bonus points if you perfect the lobster-red sunburn look every summer.

2. Skip the Skincare Routine

Next, forget about a skincare routine. All that cleansing, toning and moisturizing? Overrated, right? Let your pores revel in the glory of dirt and grime. It’s the natural look, after all. And as for anti-aging creams, let’s just laugh at them, shall we?

3. Embrace Stress

Make stress your best friend. Why meditate or do yoga when you can bask in the glory of chronic stress? After all, those frown lines aren’t going to create themselves! Remember, the more you furrow that brow, the more character you add to your face.

4. Shy Away from Sleep

Sleep is for the weak! Cut down those hours of beauty sleep. Dark circles and bags under your eyes are the new “in” thing. They scream, “I live an exciting life,” or maybe just, “I binge-watched an entire season last night.”

5. Say No to Healthy Eating

Ditch the fruits, veggies and gallons of water. Bring on the processed foods and sugary drinks! Who needs glowing skin when you can have the greasy shine of a French fry?

6. Absolutely No Facelifts or Botox

Facelifts and Botox? Why go through all that effort to look young and fresh-faced like those youthful-looking people with the best mini facelift results? Let gravity do its thing. Let those jowls and saggy eyelids become your most striking features.

7. Ignore Your Hair

Let’s not forget about hair! Grays are the universe’s natural highlights, so why cover them up? And haircuts? Overrated. Let’s bring back the unkempt, I-don’t-care look. It’s vintage, right?

8. Don’t Smile Too Much

Limit your smiling. It’s said that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile, so why waste energy? Plus, smiling leads to laugh lines, and we can’t have you looking too happy now, can we?

9. Wear Outdated or Ill-Fitting Clothes

Fashion is fleeting, so why bother? Embrace those outdated trends and ill-fitting clothes. Comfort over style, and if it’s got a hole or two, well, that just adds character.

10. Avoid Exercise

Last but not least, exercise is a no-go. Why stay fit and flexible when you can embrace the sedentary lifestyle? Let’s hear it for the couch potatoes!

So, there you have it, folks – your comprehensive guide to not aging gracefully. Of course, if for some bizarre reason, you DO want to look good as you get older, you’d do the exact opposite of everything I just said. But that would be too easy, wouldn’t it? Here’s to growing old disgracefully – or not.