‘You Need To Get Fixed’ and other things not to say to a mom of six
Editor’s Note: The original version of this article appeared on themothertougher.com. Author Troy Michel welcomed her baby boy on April 14.
Recently, I attended my best friends’ gender reveal. Noticeably pregnant, people congratulated me and proceeded with the typical questions: How far along? When are you due? Boy or girl?
Then my favorite: Is this you’re first? I always smile before answering because I know what follows: shock!
I’m a 33-year-old working mother tougher of five (yes, F I V E! with one on the way!).
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Check on your 8-9 month pregnant friends, we are NOT ok! 😩🤣 Schools and businesses are closed. Weddings, graduations and proms have been canceled. People are working from home IF they’re able to work at all. We’re forced to stay in. Feels like life is on pause right now. 🗣 But this baby is coming NO 👏 MATTER 👏 WHAT! 👏 In many states, women are being forced to give birth completely ALONE! 🤯 Fathers/partners forced to miss the birth of their child! Birth plans are being ripped at the seems and we don’t even have a second to wrap our minds around the changes. Can you imagine being a first time mom and being forced to give birth in a room full of strangers!? 🙃 I have enough anxiety thinking about how this baby is gonna wiggle his way out of my vagina, I don’t need the added stress of the unknown surrounding my birth experience & stay in the hospital. Just yesterday, I found out that only one “visitor” or support person will be allowed in the delivery room (possibly meaning we’ll have to choose between our significant others and our doulas) AND that “visitors” are NOT allowed to stay overnight in the hospital with me once baby boy arrives. So I’ll be alone in the hospital for 2-3 nights .. with a new baby.. while trying to recover from CHILDBIRTH! Also I was informed that my doctor might only be delivering at a hospital on the other side of town (instead of rotating between 3 hospitals throughout our city). So I may have to choose between him or the hospital at which I originally planned to deliver. The pediatrician I chose, who I’ve used for 13 years, is now only seeing sick patients for the time being. So now I have to choose a new physician within the practice for baby boy. 🗣I don’t know those people. And I don’t have time to research/get to know any of them! 😩 I don’t have time for anything! Trying my best to go with the flow but each change feels like a knock on the chin. And who knows what other changes could arise between now and go time!? *deep sigh* It’s fine. Everything’s fine! 🙃
“You know how they’re made, right?”
“Are y’all done?”
“Are y’all crazy?”
Truth is, we both wanted a large family.
Plus, my maternal grandmother had seven then adopted four more, and my paternal grandmother had eight (all at home in her living room!). So, you could say it runs in my blood! 💪🏾
Usually, I just play along and laugh it off. I truly don’t mind these remarks, as they come with the territory, I guess.
They roll right off the shoulder.
But one guest in attendance at the gender reveal surprised me with their reaction: “Six!? Oh, you need to get fixed!”
Now, my mother raised my brothers and me to be honest, say what’s on our minds and how we feel, to be real and honest without holding back. So, I’m not easily offended — especially when people make comments about the amount of children my husband and I have.
But — why do people care? Why are they so concerned with what I do with my uterus? I get the shock of it. I find the jokes (although hella played out) amusing but to tell me to “get fixed” is simply rude.
I’m not an animal. Furthermore, I’m. Not. Broken. No need to fix a thing about me, booboo. And if you’re not housing, feeding or caring for the kids *I* birth, move along, Karen! 💥 Isn’t there a manager you need to speak with somewhere???